I Am Not My Name

Today’s post is by Larry Ackerman, a leading authority on organizational and personal identity. He is the founder and president of The Identity Circle LLC, an identity consulting, education and research firm that helps organizations and individuals clarify their uniqueness and potential, and then assists them in putting that potential to work in ways that dramatically improve their performance, impact and reputations. Larry has published two ground-breaking books on identity. In his first book, Identity Is Destiny: Leadership and the Roots of Value Creation, Larry set forth a revolutionary view of the nature of identity and its impact on leadership and management. In his second book, The Identity Code: The 8 Essential Questions for Finding Your Purpose and Place in the World, Larry asserts that we “cannot be anything we want to be;” but rather, that long term fulfillment comes when we live by the ‘identity code’ that defines our unique value-creating potential.

I Am Not My Name

I’ve spent my career helping companies and, most recently, individuals as well, deal with identity issues, usually in the name of building authentic brands and lives. It’s fun. It’s gratifying. It’s what I do: I am driven to help people to see. That’s my identity. It is my gift.

I’ve never really considered how my name and my identity align. Until now. (Thanks, Marly!) I was named Laurence (with a ‘u’) by my parents, which immediately became Larry. Few people ever called me Laurence except when they were trying to get my attention, as in “Laurence, get over here!” I must admit, as I think about it now, I am conflicted. In truth, I’ve never really regarded myself as a Larry; more like a James or an Evan. Not sure why, except that I feel that Larry is a bit too casual for my personality: serious, insightful, driven, passionate.

When I think about Laurence, I think about Laurence Olivier. I recall ‘Aurence in Laurence of Arabia, which is how the name was pronounced in the movie, starring Peter O’Toole.  Both very elegant, accomplished men. Not bad as name role models, but not me.

As for my name, I am happy to live with the nagging conflict it poses: Laurence, a bit too stuffy; Larry, a bit too casual. I am not compelled to change it. Why? Because, I am not my name; I am me – a unique human being whose identity is larger than the label my name may suggest. I am at peace with that.

In the name of happiness, let me suggest that before you change your name, get to know who you really are and what you’re really good at. The process can be elusive, but it’s worth it. It will allow you to build a more powerful, more meaningful life. If, after you’ve done that you still feel the tug for a new name, go for it. At least, you’ll have the foundation you need for picking the right one.