The majority of women in this country change their name when they get married. Carrie Sloan of Elle Magazine recently wrote about this issue and quoted an Indiana University study showing how 70% of Americans think that women should change to their husband’s name when they get married. Laura Hamilton, one of the lead authors of the survey, said that 25% of the respondents thought that a woman needs a marital identity of her husband’s. She interpreted this finding by saying, “Once they got married, they should give up their own identity and become part of him.”
However, according to a Pew Research Center’s report on the US Census, the average age for first marriages is on the rise. Men and women are marrying later in life, after they’ve already established their careers. This means both men and women already have their identities intact before marrying.
This has caused me to wonder why the majority of women change their names when marrying. Could there be some belief or hope that changing a name is like purchasing insurance to prevent divorce? Claudia Goldin, a Henry Lee Professor of Economics at Harvard, acknowledges that, “There is this sense that changing your name is sort of the Krazy Glue that holds your marriage together.” In reality, there is no evidence to prove that changing your name when marrying will result in a long-lived marriage.
What we have now are more creative solutions for couples when discussing names and marriage. Thanks to women before us, we now have the option to keep our birth name when we marry. Or women can hyphenate both names. Couples can choose a new name or hyphenate their names together. And an interesting new trend, according to an article in the USA Today, more men are choosing their wife’s last name.
I think what is important is that couples discuss the topic of names openly and to be aware of the options that are available to them. I also think it’s important that women understand the societal pressures on them to change their names and to decide what works best for themselves and their relationships. What do you think about names and marriage?
Mainly I think it’s important for women to realize that giving up their maiden name for that of their husband’s has absolutely no bearing on the relationship, your bond or your future with the man. Personally? I changed mine because my hubby’s has one less syllable. Takes up less room when filling out paperwork. =)
Mindy
http://www.thesuburbanlife.com
December 12, 2009
12:25 am
Mindy – you never cease to crack me up! I agree that changing your name for simplicity can be very good (and efficient) reasoning!
December 13, 2009
5:24 pm
Great post. I chose not to change my name when I married for a couple of reasons. I never wanted my identity to be subsumed by another person (male or female) and taking a new name based on marriage made it feel to me like that was what would happen. One of the most irritating reminders of the way women were treated based on their marriage are gravestones. I am so saddened and infuriated to see gravestones that say, “Mrs. Paul Smith” and never the woman’s actual name. Second, I was a journalist at the time and wanted to keep the same byline for professional reasons. And most importantly, changing your name can be a big headache if you’re not enthused about it (passports, drivers license, banks, etc.). My husband was entirely in my camp on the decision, but family members have not been so supportive (I still get cards addressed to Mrs. D. Bl.___ from my mother-in-law and some of my side of the family too). Most of the time I have a sense of humor about it, but I do not understand why most women still change their names with marriage.
December 13, 2009
6:58 pm
[...] Married. One of the most obvious reasons for changing a name comes when two people marry. There is frequently a desire to share a common name, whether this be the husband taking the [...]
March 5, 2010
3:23 pm