My dad died last year. It’s still not easy to absorb the reality of his death because he seemed like a presence that would always be there. How easy it is to take things and people for granted. I wrote a post last year that described my relationship with my dad.
This year I thought I would share with you a poem. Although I wrote this only a few years ago, it is from the perspective of me as a child sitting in the back seat of a car on the way home from a family trip visiting my grandmother. We had an old car; the kind that had a foot pedal dimmer switch. I watched my dad a lot when he drove and I was mesmerized by how he could change the lights on our car without flinching. I was between the ages of 8 and 10 and I was still filled with thoughts of wonder and magic. We were studying Greek gods at school and I had somehow convinced myself that my dad, if not Zeus himself, was somehow closely related. I was saddened to learn as I left those tender years that he was only mortal like the rest of us. But in the end it was much more endearing to get to know the human side of him. If he was here today I would give him a big hug and say Happy Father’s Day.
Foot Pedal Dimmer Switch
How?
How does he do that?
The light clicks
From bright to dim
Later back to bright.
I stretch my young neck
As far as I can
But the front seat
Obstructed my view
There it went again!
From bright to dim.
Back to bright.
I vow to watch him
Much closer this time.
Refusing to take my eyes off him.
We pass by street
Lights
Illuminate his face.
Strong lines.
His thundering voice
Echoes in my mind.
Why was he so loud?
Heart of stone.
Granite. Uncaring.
There it goes again!
From bright to dim.
Back to bright.
How does he control this?
His arm never moved!
Although,
If anyone,
HE could change the light.
The power of
Zues within him
By a movement
On his face.
But I swear
Because my stare
Was intense
His face did not move…
A muscle
In my dilemma,
An answer came.
He had no mystical power.
There was no god
Residing in his flesh
His volume
Created a Monster,
His face of stone
A mask of tender feelings
Children should not see.
I thought HE controlled the lights
Going from bright to dim.
Back to bright.
Aha. I figured it out.
Smug in my clever discovery.
It was the lights from
Oncoming cars that
Forced our lights to turn from bright to dim.
As the car passed,
It allowed our lights to switch
Back to bright.
I really enjoyed reading your poem (I too have so many memories of watching my father drive). Ryan’s dad died suddenly this January, and it was very healing to read what your wrote about your father. I hope you have a good day remembering all the many things your dad meant to you and your family.
June 20, 2010
5:18 pm
I’m sorry about the loss of your Dad, Marly. I really enjoyed your poem. A sweet tribute to him.
June 20, 2010
7:40 pm
Hey Marly, your Dad looks like such a sweet man in that photo. I’m sorry for you that he is gone. My Dad is 70 by the way, and I’m really scared. He seems so old lately in everything he does…
A sweet and thoughtful tribute to your Dad, Marly. Ooh, my eyes are watering!
June 22, 2010
8:19 pm
My dad loved to laugh and to make others laugh. At the hospital the day before he died a nurse asked him when his birthday was and when he responded she said, “You’re right.” He looked over at her, raised himself out of bed a little, and thundered at her, “You better believe I’m right! I’ve been right about that longer than you’ve been alive!” You would have thought he was mad the way he said it, but then he looked over at me and gave me that grin of his. I think he liked to pretend he was cranky, but underneath he was just a softy. I wish I would have realized that about him much sooner.
June 23, 2010
10:55 am