Real People, Real Names: Memoria James

This post is part of a series called, Real People, Real Names, a compendium of stories and pictures about people and their names.

Names are basically one or two-word stories. When we see a person’s name, we paint an idea of what to expect before we even meet them. And each person has their own version of a story about their own name. You see, this is what I do. When I meet people, I talk to them about their names. And that’s the purpose of this series of posts. You get to walk into my world a little bit and read about real people and what they think of their names.

If you would like to be considered for this series, use the contact form on this site to reach me.

Today’s Guest: Memoria James

Today’s post highlights an interview with Memoria James. I immediately felt like a kindred spirit with Memoria because she describes herself as a xenophile…and as a result she’s one of those amazing people who speaks multiple languages. And just to rub it in, she’s getting her PhD in Brazilian Portuguese. She’s writing her dissertation on “the grammaticalization process and syntactic environments of two Portuguese verbs – ter (to have) and haver (to be), which have been competing against each other in almost all semantic ranges in Brazilian Portuguese.” How in the world she makes that sound interesting amazes me, but she had me hooked at hola!

She can speak English, Spanish, Brazilian Portuguese and some Italian. She has a reading knowledge of French and is learning Korean. She also is an assistant professor of Spanish at her university. To top it all off, in her spare time she’s been teaching herself to cook. And she doesn’t just cook. She went from subsisting on microwaveable meals to pièce montée, stacked enchiladas, laminated dough, and chocolate overload cake. Her food photography has been featured in TasteSpotting, FoodGawker, Serious Eats, and Dessert Stalking.

Are you starting to feel a little like an underachiever? Don’t. Because she may be very accomplished in so many ways, but Memoria is one of the most personable and friendly people with which I’ve had the pleasure of speaking. She seems to be on the same journey as the rest of us – just trying to learn each step of the way.

You can learn more about this amazing and accomplished woman through the excerpts of our interview below. You can also check out her blog and amazing photography at Mangiodasola, which she says is Italian and translates to “I eat alone.”

What did your Parents name you when you were born?
Good try, Miss Marly, but I don’t share that information with anyone. I despised my birth name so much and as a result I choose not to share it with anyone any more.

So you’re done with that name. Well, I can totally relate with that. I was given a name I didn’t like either. It’s a fine name, but I can hardly stand to speak it any more. Did you parents say why they picked your name?
My dad picked my first name to begin with an “M” because of my mother’s name, which also begins, with an “M.” My mom picked my middle name to begin with a “C” because it corresponds with my father’s first name. At least, I think that’s what happened. My mom would probably accept credit for both names, but just a little less for the first name. And that’s the story we’re going to stick with.

So you changed your name?
I’ve been on a sort of a name journey and as a result, I’ve changed it a few times. When was a little girl I changed my name to a friend’s name. Looking back I can say in all honesty that I picked her name because I wanted so badly to be like her; to look like her. She was so cute. I used that name until late in my teens. At that time I changed it to Memory.

You mentioned that you’re very close to your mom. Did she support your name change?
Oh yes. My mom changed her first name as well by using only her middle name as her first so we have that in common.

How did you pick the name Memory?
Well, I was on a phone dating system in the days before meeting people online existed. The phone dating system asked for my name, but I wanted to protect my identity a little and decided to provide a pseudonym. I was desperately looking around for some name inspiration and I noticed that my phone had a sticker on it that read, “13 Memory Speaker Phone.” So I gave my name as Memory. I received a lot of responses from people leaving messages saying how they liked my name. I felt I had a winner, so I changed it.

Later I decided to change it to the Spanish, Portuguese, and Italian version of the word, Memoria.

Is it a nickname?
No, I changed my name legally. Once I started getting into languages — Spanish, Italian and Portuguese — they really impacted me. Memoria was more representative of who I am now because it means “Memory” in most of the Romance Languages.

Do you have problems with people mispronouncing your name?
Oh yes. All the time. People will call me Memoria without trilling the “r”, Mystery, or Misteria. I tell them to call me “Memory” if they can’t pronounce it right.

Did you have any complications logistically in changing your name?
When I changed my first name, the judge asked me why I was changing it. I just told him that I don’t want that other name anymore. I even changed my last name. I was sort of unofficially married, and I added my girlfriend’s last name to my last name because I loved the Spanish sound to her name. Later I married a man and felt it would be better to remove my ex’s (at the time) last name to make a fresh start.

I really feel like names are beyond identification. It’s very personal.

So did you change your last name to his when you married?
Actually, he changed his last name to mine. His last name was difficult to pronounce and there were some issues with his father. He had been considering changing to his mother’s last name, but once we decided to get married he realized he could change his last name to mine since it would be cheaper and less of an ordeal. However, it was a big deal to change his driver’s license and social security card. The workers there hadn’t seen a situation before where a man changed his name to his wife’s. We’ve since divorced but we’re still friends (although we don’t talk to each other), and he still has my last name.

You really do have had an interesting name journey!
I think some of us are more willing to experiment than others. It can be a hassle with the driver’s license bureau. Names are so important and interesting. Getting it right is important. And having a bad name can be a problem. I sometimes still get mail with my other name on it, and it always stirs up these old emotions.

Have you ever talked with other people who don’t like their names either?
Yes. And when they find out I changed my name, they ask me more about it. Most of the time they confess that they never even thought about changing their first name. It’s as if they were physically branded with a name that they think it can never be changed. In fact, I met someone who changed her name after learning that I had done it. She told me that she always wanted to change her name but didn’t know she could. After we talked about it, she changed it legally.

What kind of questions do other people ask about your name change?
Many ask why I decided to change my last name, but the most popular question is, “what was your original name?” I never justify it with an answer. That name is part of my past, not my present, and it will forever stay that way.

On another note, one name change form I filled out asked whether I was changing my name because I was a victim of domestic abuse, which I’m not. Some people are trying to escape difficult relationships by starting a new life. They need a more protected identity. Assuming another name facilitates that. I think changing your name can help resolve past pains.

What’s it like for you to have changed your name?
I don’t remember how it was when I first changed my name. But now, every time I hear someone call me Memoria, I love it! Many of the people I work with are from other countries. They say my name, Memoria, in the most beautiful way. I still think it’s just such a pretty name.

How does your name make you feel?
This is my name. I don’t know anyone else who has it. I’m sure there is someone else who probably does, but I haven’t met anyone else so far. So, I like how unique it my name is. In fact, my name can cheer up the sourest of people. For example, I may be checking out in a store, and the clerk may be in a surly mood, but once I tell him or her my name, the person’s mood totally changes. They ask me how I spell it. And the person will say to me, “Oh, that’s a cool name!” And then all of a sudden he or she is in a better mood. And we strike up a fun little conversation, all just because of my name.

Have you ever seen someone with a bad name; one that just doesn’t fit that person?
Yeah. Prince changed his name to a symbol and had to be referred to as “the artist formerly known as Prince.” He tried not to have a name, only to get another, longer, more convoluted name. Also, there was a governor here in Texas with the last name of Hogg in the 1800s. He named his daughter Ima. Seriously, her name was Ima Hogg. Every time I think of funny names I think of the girl with the name Ima Hogg.

Do you have some names you love, besides your own?
If I had a daughter I would name her after an Italian city. For example, Venezia, which is the Italian, word for Venice. I also like Firenze, which is Italian for Florence. So, obviously, I would like to use a location in Italy. I love Italian names.

Have you been to Italy?
I’ve been to Firenze, Venezia and Pisa and drove through Bologna. I prefer Venice. I love the water. I love being around water, and of course; Venice is a city in a big body of water. It’s where I feel I’m supposed to be. I live in Austin, and there are a couple of big lakes there, but I don’t go there often. It’s not nearly the same as Venice.

Do you think your name has helped you in your career?
Yes, because people see my name and think I’m Hispanic or Latina. And then they see me, and they wonder who I am or where I’m from. They assume I’m from Cuba or Honduras because of my skin color. One person told me what Memoria meant as if I didn’t know. I guess the person assumed I didn’t know any other language beyond English because of how I looked. Nowadays, your name is synchronized with your career. Another thing I love about my name is that people see it and start speaking Spanish or Portuguese to me because it just rolls off the tongue and fits well with just about any of the Romance Languages, except for French and Romanian.

With all these languages you know, which one do you think in?
English the most, then Spanish. I actually dream in Spanish. Sometimes I dream in Portuguese and Italian. If I get frustrated, I yell in Spanish. It just comes out naturally.

Which of the romance languages do you think is the most beautiful?
Italian and French.

I think other cultures sometimes do a better job of picking names that have meaning behind them. Have you ever thought much about cultural name trends?
Not really. But I know a name might sound very foreign to a person from one country, while in fact, it is a really common name in the other person’s culture.

Let’s talk about your blog. Why did you start the blog?
The blog began as a sort of distraction from school, and it’s turned out to be both a good and a bad distraction. My blog began as a hobby but now it’s this wonderful creative outlet. Now I’m also getting into photography. The thing is, I don’t feel like a creative person at all. My mom disagrees with me when I say this because she thinks I do everything great. I know that writing a blog requires creativity, but I don’t consider myself creative especially compared to other bloggers. However, it has given me the chance to be a lot more creative than I usually am.

Have you always liked to cook?
I actually hadn’t spent much time in the kitchen before the blog; I simply followed recipes. I didn’t learn how to cook growing up. I just followed orders basically. No one in my immediate family knows how to cook except for my dad but I wasn’t around him much. My grandmother cooked, but she didn’t teach anyone else. It wasn’t until my blog started that I first began learning to cook. That was March 2009.

Do you think blogging was a way to connect with your dad?
Not really. However, I’m wondering if it may be hereditary – my dad’s brother is a chef and he has his own catering business. I didn’t find that out until last year. I must have gotten my cooking gene from my dad’s family because my mom doesn’t know how to cook. She microwaves and then she leaves the kitchen as quickly as she can. Her dream house would have a small kitchen and a big bathroom.

How has the blog impacted you?
The blog has changed me so much! I’m sort of a hermit. My version of shopping has been to get in and get out. But now when I go to the grocery store I like to go down most every aisle. Sometimes I feel like, “Oh the grocery store? Let’s go!” I also love to go to Williams Sonoma, Crate and Barrel, etc. They’re like another piece of heaven for me. I was never that kind of person before. My mom says she can’t believe what I’ve become.

She’s even accused me of being a girly girl because I spend so much time in the kitchen. But I don’t think being in the kitchen makes me more feminine, especially when there are so many men in the kitchen too. I’ve read a lot of bloggers who imply in one way or another that only women belong or are present in the kitchen. Why should cooking be considered feminine?

I agree! Actually cooking is quite scientific. You know, chemistry and all.
Yes, exactly! There’s a science to cooking. Adding bows to your cake and putting a pink heart on your cookies maybe is the feminine side of it. I don’t know. But getting in the kitchen and creating dishes in and of itself shouldn’t be considered feminine.

Any other side benefits of your blog?
Since I started cooking my stepmother and I have connected more. She works in a bakery, but she used to make her cakes with cake mixes. I never knew that! She was so in awe that I made my cakes from scratch. I thought there’s no other way. I wouldn’t use a cake mix. We bonded on that. She started asking for recipes. This is all so recent still.

So back on the topic of names, let me ask you one last but rather obvious question. Do you find the topic of names interesting?
Yes. Definitely. Names are important, especially the decision to change last names in marriage. It’s a huge topic to me especially being a feminist. I disagree with changing your last name after marriage unless you just hate your last name like my ex-husband did. I feel like you are succumbing to your spouse’s authority. It is as if the spouse is branding you like a cow. I also feel that the offspring should carry both last names, since they are a product of both parents. Also, the woman goes through the pain of carrying the child, why shouldn’t she get some credit via the last name? Once the child is older, he or she can decide to keep both last names or remove one for simplicity’s sake. I changed my last name as well because my mom was there for me much more than my dad. I didn’t feel it was right to carry his last name since he was absent. I changed my last name at the age of 9 years old and never looked back. I am very proud to carry my mother’s last name.

Anyway, I really feel like names are beyond identification. It’s very personal. Especially when you change it yourself as opposed to having your parents select it. I mean if you think about it, what does it say for you to have changed your name? Or when you get married if you choose to keep your own name or to hyphenate. It says a lot. On the surface it looks like an innocuous decision, but it isn’t. You may choose to change your name because you want to feel closer to your spouse or maybe not. Names are definitely interesting. It’s even more interesting when you change your first name.

Many thanks to Memoria for the time we spent talking about her name and other life adventures. For those of you who might be wondering how to pronounce her name, it is not MEM-or-eeh-uh. The correct pronunciation is me-MORd-ee-ah (don’t emphasize the “d” sound, though). So, you should roll that “r” just a tad if you can (I know some of us can’t). However you pronounce it though, Memoria is most definitely one of the most memorable people you’ll have the pleasure of meeting.