Namely Marly

This post is part of a series called, “Real People, Real Names,” a compendium of stories and pictures about people and their names.

Names are basically one or two-word stories. When we see a person’s name, we paint an idea of what to expect before we even meet them. And each person has their own version of a story about their own name. You see, this is what I do. When I meet people, I talk to them about their names. And that’s the purpose of this series of posts. You get to walk into my world a little bit and read about real people and what they think of their names.

If you would like to be considered for this series, use the contact form on this site to reach me.

Today’s Guest: Allison Avery

Today’s post highlights an interview with Allison Avery. Well, actually her name is Marissa Manzino, but you can call her Allie for short. Confused? Don’t worry, I’ll explain more soon.

Before we talk about her name, I want to introduce you to the person. Allie oozes talent, hard work and fun from every cell of her being. She is a singer, guitarist, songwriter, author, blogger, and a social worker. She earned a Master’s in Social Work from the Fordham Graduate School of Social Service, and she’s accomplished all of this crossing hurdles that many could not imagine. You see, Allie is blind. Although she’s very comfortable discussing it, she doesn’t do so for attention or sympathy. It is a part of who she is, but it doesn’t define her.

It does, however, impact why she’s seeking to change her name. Have you gone from confused to curious? Read more about Allie and her name below. I promise, it will be time well spent!

Why did your Parents pick your name?

My given name is Marissa Erin Manzino. My parents were going to name me either Amanda or Candace but then they decided on a name with an “M” sound to go with my last name, Manzino. Marissa means “of the sea” and my Mom thought it was pretty.

Did you like your name as a child?

I didn’t mind my nickname, which was (and still is) Missy. No one in my family really used Marissa that much. When I went to Lavelle School for the Blind and had to use my real name, Marissa, I truly disliked it. The kids in general there were mean to me because I was one of the few kids who were completely blind.

I don’t understand why kids can be so cruel sometimes.

It’s true. I would intentionally get myself into trouble because I hoped it would get me out of that school. What I didn’t know was that my parents had planned all along to send me to the school for the blind only until fourth grade so I could learn Braille and then they planned to integrate me into the public school system. I liked the public school system much better.

Why do you dislike the name, Marissa. I mean, it really is a pretty name.

I agree. It is a pretty name and it’s kind of unique. That’s one of the reasons my mom picked it. She said it was different and she liked that about it. However, it’s mispronounced a lot. A lot of people will say Melissa or Mary or some other name like that. When you’re blind and someone mispronounces your name, you don’t know they’re talking to you.

Besides I was born with a twin and he was named Michael. It’s as if we came as a pair, except we were born early and he didn’t survive. I think there’s  a part of me that feels the weight of that. I need a name that’s all my own.

How did you pick the name Allison?

I wanted to change my name to Allison after one of my favorite characters, Allie Nelson, in Nicholas Sparks The Notebook. Her real name in that book was Allison. Allison means noble, truthful and kind depending on which name site you consult. And it’s easily understood.

I love writing my own music. It’s challenging but it also inspires me.

How has your name impacted your life?

I think that the mispronunciation of the name Marissa has hindered me a lot. I’m constantly correcting people and two seconds later they’re back to the incorrect name. It’ can be very annoying. So I think my new name is going to have a great impact on my life!

Tell me about your music. Do you write your own songs?

Yes. I love writing my own music. It’s challenging but it also inspires me. I also perform regularly so that means learning a fair amount of cover songs too.

What musicians have inspired you in your life?

Definitely Alison Krauss.

Another Allison?

It’s a great coincidence that her name is Alison too. She has such an amazing voice. I was surprised to hear someone describe her performance once as unemotional. I think her music is definitely touching. And also Sarah McLachlan. I listened to her music, which is what inspired me to learn to play the guitar in high school.

I didn’t even know Sarah McLachlan played the guitar.

Most people only know her as a pianist, but she does play the guitar as well. She has a very interesting style. I also really like Joni Mitchell and other ‘60’s kind of rockers.

Do you have a band that backs you up when you perform?

Mostly it’s just me and my guitar. I’m learning to play the banjo too. That’s how I met Carlos, my boyfriend. He lives in Spain and we met at a musician’s retreat. He’s an amazing banjo player.  He’s inspired me to step up my dream of learning Spanish too.

My dad is in a band and we might play together one of these days too.

What’s your favorite song that you’ve written?

That would be the song Emily that I wrote for my good friend Jacqueline. She was going through a difficult time and after we talked I felt inspired to write a song for her, but I decided to use a different name. I wanted to protect her identity and the name Emily just flowed better with the song. What’s really important is that she knows it’s her song.

Have you written any other songs with personal names?

I wrote a song for my grandmother. Her name was Philamana, but she didn’t really like that name much so everyone just called her Mamie. That’s what I named my song for her, Mamie. I was disappointed she didn’t get to hear it because she died right as I was finishing the song. I used to call her the Antique and people would get on to me and tell me I was being disrespectful, but I wasn’t trying to be disrespectful. I was thinking of antiques as these well made, handcrafted beautiful pieces of furniture sort of like a stalwart of the home. That’s what Mamie meant to me.

And you’re also a book author as well, is that right?

I love writing novels and have one published called Just Before Dawn. It’s a murder mystery, which is one of my favorite forms of writing. I’m working on a new book now, but it’s kind of taken a back seat to a couple of other things, like getting my certification as a social worker.

If you could have any name you wanted what would it be?

If I had to choose a name it would be Allison Avery. I’m a musician and I’ve been using only Marissa as my marketing name because my last name, Manzino, is too difficult for most people to spell. Ironically, there are twelve Marissas now on CDbaby. I’d love to use Allison Avery as my stage name and Allison as my legal first name.

Do you think your name has had any impact on your life?

Well, most people comment on how pretty my name is. I think that the mispronunciation has hindered me. Constantly correcting people and two seconds later they’re back to the incorrect name is very annoying.

Do you find the topic of names interesting?

I think names are extremely fascinating. I find people who have legally changed their first names even more fascinating.

What inspires you in your life?

Music, friends, family, my animals, books, movies.

Has the transition to Allison been difficult for you?

I began slowly transitioning to Allison at work, and most of my colleagues call me Allison or Allie. Some of my friends have started using Allison as well.

I’m waiting to pass my social worker’s certification exam to actually legally change my name. That should be done soon but I’ve had some people tell me that even if I legally change my name to Allison, they won’t use the new name.

Isn’t that so interesting? Can you imagine if you changed your last name because you got married and someone refusing to call you by your new last name? No one does that because it’s socially acceptable to change your last name for marriage.

Yes! I learned a lot about this by coming to your site. It really helped me a lot to learn there were other people who had changed their first names too.

What’s some of your favorite music you’re listening to today?

I really like the music of the group Crooked Still. They’ve got a great folksy blue grass sound that I love.

My most sincere thanks to Allie for taking time to talk with me. We could have talked more,  but this accomplished musician was headed off to guitar lessons. That’s the thing about Allie, she’s always striving to learn more and eke every bit that life has to offer.  She’s a very inspiring soul and I encourage you all to check out her site to listen to her music, read excerpts of her book, and connect with her on her blog. You’ll be glad you did!

Gregory Peck began his journey in life in 1916 with the name Eldred. Like a lot of people he used the name given to him by his parents until he moved away in his early 20′s. I don’t know what it is about those college years, but it seems to inspire more than just higher education, it can also be a time for some to shed youthful monikers. Mikey becomes Mike, Candy becomes Candace, etc.

Peck earned a BA in English from Berkely, headed off to New York city, and shed that childhood name. “I never liked the name Eldred. Since nobody knew me in New York, I just changed to my middle name,” said Peck.

A combination of talent, looks, and a good name (I had to throw that last one in), led him to one of the most successful acting careers in the US. With all the famous roles throughout the years, he still considered Atticus Finch in To Kill a Mockingbird his favorite. “Hardly a day passes that I don’t think how lucky I was to be cast in that film,” Peck said in 1997 . “I recently sat at a dinner next to a woman who saw it when she was 14 years old, and she said it changed her life. I hear things like that all the time.”

Peck died in 2003. Brock Peters who played Tom Robinson in the Mockingbird movie spoke about Peck at his funeral. He said that “Atticus Finch gave him [Peck] an opportunity to play himself.”

He had a career studded with accomplishments from Academy Awards to the National Medal of Arts. I like to believe his name was just one part of that successful career.

How many names do you guess there are in America? That would have been easier to answer about 50 years ago, but today parents are giving more unique names to their children and as a result the number of names are growing exponentially.

But there are times when people share the exact same name. There’s a man named Wes Moore who  discovered another man sharing the same name. The only difference is that one Wes Moore is an author, a Rhodes Scholar, combat veteran in Afghanistan and a White House fellow. The other Wes Moore is a convicted killer.

The discovery prompted the Rhodes Scholar to ponder the importance of names. He contacted the Wes Moore in prison and they began communicating on a regular basis.

Stephanie Chen of CNN wrote an article on these two Wes Moores. She notes that there are several studies indicating that names may have a bearing on a person’s life. Some suggest that names can have an impact on academics. Others imply that names can even influence a person’s personal preferences. While these studies are not conclusive, Ms. Chen notes in her article, “One thing is clear: A name is more than a name.”

The Rhodes Scholar was so move by what he learned that he wrote a book called The Other Wes Moore. He explains that his goal in writing the book was not to point to a good Wes Moore and a bad Wes Moore. In fact, if anything, his goal was to illustrate the similarities between the two men. They both grew up in similar neighborhoods, went through turbulent times in their childhood, and were raised by single mothers. They had similar paths that led them to very different places in life.

Although the book begins with their common name, it eventually lands on the importance of a fatherly presence in a child’s life. The author’s father died when he was young but the imprisoned Wes Moore said he has seen his father only a handful of times. He tells the author, “Listen, your father wasn’t there because he couldn’t be. My father wasn’t there because he chose not to be.”

A USA Today article by Dierdre Donohue quotes Roland Warren, president of the non-profit National Fatherhood Initiative, “Fatherless kids have a hole in their soul in the shape of their father, and it leaves a wound that is not easily healed.”

It’s a moving book about the importance of parenting and, yes, names. It’s clear that the author has spent much time deliberating on his life consequences and as a result he says this, “So little separates us from another life altogether.” I think this is true for us all and more than we realize.

Can you imagine sharing a name with 17 million other people? That’s the amount of people in China with the surname Ma. Combine that with the fact that most given names (our equivalent of first names) are usually short (a common surname is Chang), and you’ve got an nation-wide identity crisis. This is not the story of a woman named Ma Cheng, who believe it or not dons a rather unusual name.

Before I go on, I must explain that in China the surname is listed first, followed by the given name. So Ma is her family name and Cheng is the given name selected by her parents. It is customary for parents to seek guidance from the child’s grandparents when naming them and Miss Ma’s grandfather wanted to help give her some distinction by bestowing a more unique name. According to the article by Sharon LaFraniere in the NY Times, Ma’s grandfather, “combed through his library of Chinese dictionaries and lighted upon a character pronounced ‘cheng.’ Cheng, which means galloping steeds, looks just like the character for horse, except that it is condensed and written three times in a row.”

This name, Cheng, was very unusual and gave his granddaughter the distinction for which he was hoping. She commented that people have a tendency to remember her name more easily as a result. The problem is, the Chinese government wants her to change it.

The government is providing each citizen with a computer-generated citizen ID card. There are over 50,000 Chinese characters, but the government computers can recognize only about 32,000 of them and a significantly lower number of these are allotted for names. The name Cheng is not on the list. In fact, with a country of over roughly 1.3 billion citizens, there are 60 million that have names that do not appear on this approved name character list.

According to LaFraniere’s article, the Chinese government is also seeking to reign in the increasing trend of creative name giving. Government officials suggest that “names have gotten out of hand, with too many parents picking the most obscure characters they can find or even making up characters.” They should try living in the United States! In the US, we have over 70,000 surnames in use for roughly 350 million people. By contrast, in China there are only about 100 surnames for over a billion people.

For example, here are some common surnames in China, followed by the number of people who are counted as using them:

• Wang, 92 million
• Li, 91 million
• Zhang, 86 million

In fact, there are so many people in China with the name Zhang Wei they could fill up a large US city. To help with all of the confusion that ensues from having millions of people with the exact same name, there is a lot of nick naming that goes on in China. Parents will give their child a milk name which the child is referred to until they reach a certain age. Children are oftentimes given a name for use by the school and classmates. In addition, many Chinese will take on a more Western-style name when traveling abroad.

In the US, we may find today’s unique naming trends amusing and maybe even a tad bit annoying. But perspective is important. In China, your name must be on an approved list.