Namely Marly

One day while indulging in my guilty pleasure of reading the O Magazine, I came across this article, “Books You’ll Love in Our Biggest, Best, Summer Reading Issue Ever!” One book in particular caught my eye and I’m sure it won’t take you long to understand why. When I first saw the title of the book, Elizabeth Street, I thought it was about a person.

However, it didn’t take long before I realized this book by Laurie Fabiano is about a family and their journey to America in the early 1900s that landed them on Elizabeth Street in New York City. The lead character, Giovanna (what a great name!) asks on her journey to a foreign land, “What plans do you have for me…L’America?” The answer is given in this, Fabiano’s debut novel. Maria Laurino describes the book Elizabeth Street as “both a fascinating immigrant story and an intimate portrait of how a first-generation American—and the author’s own great-grandmother—outwits one of the most brutal crime organizations of the early 20th century.”

Laurie Fabiano spoke with me recently on the topic of (what else) names. Not only about Laurie’s names, but also those of the characters in her book and her family. Laurie is an author but she’s also been busy studying the genealogy of her family and their names. Needless to say there was much for the two of us to discuss. Grab a cappuccino, a biscotti (or two) and be ready to be dazzled by some wonderful Italian names!

Why did your parents pick the name Laurie?
My mom just liked the name. All the names around me are so meaningful but mine really isn’t. There’s no real Italian connection to it like the other names in my family.

What about your last name?
Fabiano is my dad’s name. It’s from southern Italy. Fabiano is not such a common name here in the States, but we finally went to the village where my grandparents are from, Trani, and it was a different story there. It seemed like everything was Fabiano. Piazza Fabiano. Fabiano Café.

I was doing genealogical research in Trani and my first stop was the cemetery. Right there in the middle of the cemetery there was this large mausoleum and the name on it was Fabiano. I was wondering if maybe this was someone from my family so I approached the caretaker and as we talked he asked to see my genealogy papers. He took one look and explained that my Fabiano family was not the one resting in this mausoleum but more than likely the one who worked for this family. That’s how workers got their name generations ago. In Italy it was not unlike how many American slaves got their names – peasants took the name of the family they worked for. Our guess is centuries ago my family worked for the Fabiano family.

Regardless, it was fun to see the name everywhere. When I would tell people that my name was Fabiano, they would definitely take notice.  I named my daughter Siena which was my grandmother’s last name. On that same trip we went to the city of Siena and it was nice for her to be able to see that.
My daughter loves her name. I wish my name were significant in some way. Her middle name is Nicola, which is her great-grandfather’s first name.

Have you heard this quote by Bill Cosby: “Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.” You’ve got this covered with your daughter’s name!
I haven’t heard that quote before, but it’s funny. I like to say, give your children a middle name so when you call them, they’ll know if you’re angry.

How  do you pronounce your name? Is it LAH-ree or the more like the traditional Lori?
It’s pronounced like the traditional Lori. My middle name is Anna and my fondest memories from my childhood was hearing my dear grandfather call me Laurianna.

So it’s a traditional name with a unique spelling?
Not really.  Laurie is a common name in the United Kingdom, although in the U.K. it is more often a man’s name.  When I went to England I was a bit chagrined to find out that the word for truck is “lorry” – written differently but pronounced the same.

Did you ever have a nickname?
My brother and dad called me Louie. They still do today.

Is it a disappointment that the name doesn’t carry more family significance?
Yes. The name Laurie really has no family significance. My younger sister is Anna Marie, which is my grandmother’s and mom’s name. My brother is named for my father.

When I did genealogical research I realized the significance of the Italian tradition of naming sons after the father’s father. I was able to trace generations back and see the same thing over and over; sons named after their grandfathers. That tradition begins to disappear after the first generation of immigrants who came to America.

It sounds as if the research for the book and the research about your genealogy and names coincided nicely!
That’s true. In fact, after the book was published I even started getting emails from people saying “I think I’m you’re cousin.” And now more of the women in our family have named their daughters Siena.

So you’ve inspired people with Italian names for their children?
Yes, but what feels even better is that when I initially wrote the book it was for my immediate family. I wanted them to know their family history. But now the book is “owned” by a much larger extended family. I think family is so important. This book has meant a lot to me, but the opportunity to connect with family members previously unknown to me was definitely an unexpected bonus.

What do you think of Italian names?
They have such beautiful rhythm to them. So much significance. Some names are in reference to saints. Other names go back thousands of years, which make them all the more interesting.

Your book Elizabeth Street has some meaningful names in it. Can you describe more about that?
One of the interesting name stories from the book is when Giovanna, the lead character, marries Rocco. They had both been previously married and widowed and they both adored their first spouses. They agreed that if they had children the boy would be named after Giovanna’s deceased spouse, Nunzio, and if it were a girl she would be named after Rocco’s deceased spouse, Angelina. All goes along as planned when they have their first child, a daughter, and they named her Angelina. However, by the time they have their second child, a son, Angelina has been kidnapped and they are trying to get her back. As a testament to Giovanna’s faith, instead of naming her son Nunzio as she and Rocco agreed, she named him Anthony after the patron saint of missing people. She was praying to Anthony for the safe return her daughter.

Was Rocco upset that Giovanna didn’t hold to their naming agreement?
It was her husband she would have named their son after so it was never an issue. That boy – Anthony – later received the nickname Cakie. Because he liked cake.

The characters in your book are based on your own family. Was Cakie a member of your family?
Yes, he was my uncle. I called him Uncle Cakie. He was quite a character. He was just such a wonderful person.

I really enjoyed reading about the characters in your book and listening to your description of them now. I feel the same when I describe my father and some of his friends of that generation. Even their way of speaking was so different. I wonder if globalization has taken away some of those endearing regional characteristics?
Definitely.  We’re getting more and more homogenized.  We’re all basically immigrants here in this country and yet with each new generation so much of this history becomes lost. The stories of individuals within the family — a lot of that gets lost. To the extent you can research your genealogy, it can help you learn so much more about where you come from.

In your book you do a sort of “tour of Elizabeth Street.” For those of us who have never been there, can you provide a brief description?
It is in lower east side of New York City. In the timeframe of the book, it’s probably the most densely populated street in New York City. It’s teaming with people. So many people were stuffed into the tenements. Elizabeth Street was home to many gruesome crimes — including numerous bombings — it eventually became the nexus of Black Hand activity. The Black Hand was basically the precursor to the mafia. This is why I decided to name the book Elizabeth Street.

Also, I named it Elizabeth Street in honor of my grandmother because it really is how her narratives always began. She would start her storytelling with, “We lived at 202 Elizabeth Street…” Although it took many years for her to open up.  Her life story, the tragedies she went through, was not something she wanted to talk about.

Are there other place names in your book?
The other place name in the book is Scilla (pronounced sheela). It is the village in Calabria my family came from. The name “Scilla” comes from the ancient myth of Scylla.  In the Illiad, Homer speaks of sailing through the strait of Messina and the danger of being eaten by the monster Syclla on the Calabrian coast or being caught in the whirlpools of the monster Charybdis on the Sicilian side. This is where the expression “between a rock and a hard place” comes from. In fact, I initially was going to name the book “Between a Rock and a Hard Place.,” as it is the perfect metaphor for Italian immigration.

You recently had a family reunion with some of your cousins that you connected with after the book was published?
Yes, we had a family reunion in my hometown of Hoboken where around 70 Siena cousins, most of whom had never met, came together. It included first cousins that my mother hadn’t seen in 70 years. It was very emotional. It breathed life into the piece of paper called a family tree that I had been working on. I knew the gathering would be diverse and it was. It’s interesting you know, but instantly they became like family because you have all these shared characteristics. One cousin showed up with a trove of photographs. It was wonderful. I was seeing pictures of people I’d heard and written about but had never actually seen before.

You talk in the book about the voyage and entry into America through Ellis Island. Is it true that many immigrants had their names changed there?
When you begin writing a book, you come into it with it some preconceived notions. For example, I thought Ellis Island was an awful place. In reality, what I learned was that it wasn’t that bad. The concept of people having new names forced upon them was another preconceived notion. What I learned was a revelation. There’s a common belief that many names were changed at Ellis Island. However, very few names were actually changed at Ellis Island, if any at all. Most names got changed when children of immigrants went to school. When I started researching more — looking at things like birth and marriage certificates — is when I discovered this. The teachers couldn’t or didn’t want to pronounce all the different ethnic names. With Italian names they would take out a vowel here or there. Our family name, which was Siena, became Senna.

So these children of immigrants would come home and say to their parents, “My name isn’t Siena, it’s Senna.” How did the parents react to teachers changing the name of their children?
I think most of them were fine with it because the real desire was assimilation. By 1930, four and half millions Italians had come to America. Half of them went back. The ones who stayed wanted to assimilate.

How long did it take you to write Elizabeth Street?
It took forever to write this book because I had a very busy job and a family. It was written in stolen moments over a 10-year period.

Do you have a next book coming?
I have another book in the works, but I’m not actively working on it right now. I also have a career as a producer of events and strategic marketing for non-profit organizations so I’m fairly busy right now.

If you could change your name for just a day and no one would question it or think it was odd, what name would you pick?
That’s easy. I would change my name to Giovanna, after my great-grandmother.

Conclusion

Talking with Laurie Fabiano about her name, her family names, and the characters in this book was a most delightful discussion. It was particularly poignant talking with someone who has done research on her genealogy. Having a historical understanding about the names in your family can really shed a lot of light on the different strains of your own DNA. I think Laurie would agree with me in saying that if you don’t already know it, you should consider researching your family tree.  Soon-to-be parents today scour modern name books for the right name for their unborn child. They might be surprised to learn of some uncommon and more meaningful names in their own family lineage.

There’s a reason why this book – Elizabeth Street – has been recommended by the likes of O Magazine and the New York Times. It’s a thoughtfully written book full of immensely interesting people; characters made even more appealing (if you ask me) by their charming and meaningful names. I hope you run out today and read it and then come back and join in on the discussion with me here or on the Elizabeth Street Facebook Page. I promise you, it will be time well-spent.

This post is part of a series called, “Real People, Real Names,” a compendium of stories and pictures about people and their names.

Names are basically one or two-word stories. When we see a person’s name, we paint an idea of what to expect before we even meet them. And each person has their own version of a story about their own name. You see, this is what I do. When I meet people, I talk to them about their names. And that’s the purpose of this series of posts. You get to walk into my world a little bit and read about real people and what they think of their names.

If you would like to be considered for this series, use the contact form on this site to reach me.

Sarah Prout

Sarah Prout is the proud owner of her own “boutique media empire.” Those are three very intriguing words all coupled together like that. She calls her empire, Sprout Publishing, a mishmash of her name, and uses it to help her clients take their lives to levels they never before imagined. As a result, Sarah has an impressive list of international clients.

She’s also author of the self-published book, Sprout the Life You Love: Tales and Secrets from Female Entrepreneurs [Now sold out, so sorry, no link]. This book is a compilation of adventures and advice from top female entrepreneurs around the world such as Arielle Ford and Emmy-award winning Rhonda Britten. Now she’s authored a book from the Wiley presses, coming soon to a bookstore near you, The Power of Influence: The Easy Way to Make Money Online.

She speaks regularly about the importance of marketing strategies, including branding. She says, “Branding is such an important element to creating a name for yourself and your business. You want to proliferate a visual element to your presence that it easily recognizable.”

Speaking of creating a “name” for yourself, that is, of course, the topic that I was most interested in with Sarah. On face value, Sarah’s appears to be a simple name story. She says she likes it. How much easier can you get than that? But Sarah is like a lot of people I talk to, she’s not without some twists and turns in the journey. Read on and you’ll see what I mean.

What was your name when you were born? Have your parents ever told you why they picked this name?

My parents called me Sarah Louise Prout. Apparently they wanted to choose a very unusual name, so Sarah was it until they discovered that it was one of the most popular names in 1979! By the time my little sister came along in 1983 they called her Henrietta to make sure it was ‘unusual’ yet classic which is what they were aiming for I think.

If I was a boy I was going to be called Samuel or Russel. Russel Prout just would have been cruel!

Did you like your name as a child?

I’ve always liked my name and never had an issue with it. I don’t think I ever fantasized about changing it to something more interesting. I think the only exception was when I had a crush on a boy and I would practice my new signautre for when we got married. I was romantic even at 8 years old!

Have you ever gone by a nickname?

My closest friends usually call me Sprouty or Sprout.

Have you ever changed your name?

This is where it gets interesting. In 2001, I got married and took on board my husband’s name. So all of a sudden I was Mrs. Sarah Dewitt and I still am (on paper) until our divorce is finalized. If you look in my purse all of my credits cards and ID still have Dewitt on it.

I was never comfortable with the name Dewitt but I still persisted in using it and even let my kids have the name for the sake of consistency and traditional values.

In 2006, I was selected to contribute a chapter to an international book called The Path to Success and this is when I chose to use my maiden name for all professional purposes from that point onwards. It’s almost as if it was a blessing in disguise and I felt a powerful glimpse in to how much better it felt to return to a name I felt comfortable with.

What do you think of your name as an adult?

Because I got married so young I chose to reclaim part of my identity by using my maiden name again for business. By the time I was 26 I’d been married for a long time and had two children. My identity was all wrapped up in being Mrs. Sarah Dewitt, wife of a senior automotive designer and mother of Thomas and Olivia. Starting my publishing company and career allowed me to fully embrace the name I was born with.

There was a great sense of empowerment that occurred through choosing to do this. As an entrepreneur trying to build a business online I was reinforcing my personal brand with all of my social media accounts. My business also Incorporated my name when I created SPROUT PUBLISHING (S.PROUT = SPROUT) which I thought was a novel idea.

How does that feel to use your own name for your company?

It seems like a perfect fit because I’m emotionally connected to it. Anyone that has created a business knows it becomes like your baby and to feel bonded to the name is an important element to ensure you don’t get sick of hearing the same word over and over again.

Have you ever known someone who changed his or her name?

Yes, my great grandmother was married four times so she had four sets of name changes.

If there were such a thing as an alternate universe and you could have a clone living there and no one in this universe knew about her, what would you like her name to be?

What an interesting question! Her name would be ‘älska’ which is a Swedish verb which means ‘to love’.

Do you think your name (the one in this universe) has had any impact on your life? Has it helped you, hindered you or had no influence?

Absolutely! I actually feel that my name is harmonious. ‘Sarah’ has 5 letters and ‘Prout’ has five letters so it feels balanced.  After not liking my married name (and I hope my in-laws don’t read this this) it is such a sweet relief to know that I’ll be able to legally go back to using Sarah Prout again for everything soon.

Do you find the topic of names interesting?

I do indeed! I think one of the most exciting times in a person’s life is thinking of names for their unborn child. I loved the name Thomas and as soon as my baby boy arrived the name seemed to fit perfectly.

When I discovered I was having a daughter my mother was pressuring me to use Louise as a middle name because there were about 6 generations of women that had used it. In 2006, I welcomed OLIVIA ROSE into the world!

What inspires you in your life?

My loved ones. I think gratitude is the driving force in my life. I’m amazed at how many wonderful opportunities and people keep turning up in my life. I live in a place called Noosa on the Sunshine Coast in Queensland Australia. It’s a tropical paradise and I live just minutes from the ocean. I get really inspired by the beauty of the coast. I have an insatiable curiosity about metaphysics and I adore art/design and creativity.

I looked up the name Sarah in my name books and one word that seems consistent throughout is “inspired.” Coming in at a close second is the word “creativity” and Sarah Sprout’s life is definitely a combination of both inspiration and creativity. I’m sure her story is one that we all would like to imagine for ourselves: a culmination of hard work, talent, creativity, and drive to propel her life and those of the people around her to the next level.

We’ve all met plenty of John Juniors in our lives. Maybe even a few “Thurston Howell the Thirds.” But can you recall a Kathryn the Second? It’s not often that women participate in successive naming and I wonder if the words of Mary Daly don’t ring true:  “Women have had the power of naming stolen from us.”

Or have we? I’ve met more women lately who tell me how they’re named after their mothers. The most notable of these was the subject of my recent name interview, Helen Fisher. When I asked her how her parents selected her name, she described how she was the eighth in a line of Helens.

Curioser and curioser! That’s Helen Fisher. She’s also a biological anthropologist, a research professor and Chief Scientific Adviser to the Internet dating site, Chemistry.com, a division of Match.com. She’s written multiple books based on her research which includes the evolution of love, gender, marriage and sex.

And she’s a TED talker! Yes, that’s right. She’s spoken at an actual TED conference…twice! That’s saying a lot in and of itself, but noting that only 20% of TED talkers are women adds even more weight to the honor.

What happens when you fall in love? This is a question that Helen Fisher addresses on a regular basis. But on this day, I was able to have a brief but though-provoking discussion about something I consider to be much more intriguing, her name.

Join our discussion, if you will, by reading the excerpts of her interview below.

Do you know the story of why your parents picked the name they did for you?

It was my mother’s name. In fact, I’m Helen the Eighth. That’s what they tell me. They say that I’m Helen the Eighth. I know I’m Helen the Third because my grandmother’s name was Helen and my mother’s name was Helen and I’m Helen. And the only reason that I’m Helen is that mother had identical twin girls and so she named my twin sister Lorna, which is a much nicer name. I like it much better. She got the good name. And then they discovered there was another baby. They thought we would be one big boy but as it turned our, or so they say, the nurse tapped the doctor on the shoulder and said there’s another one in there and they pulled me out by my ankles; I was way under my mother’s sternum. And here was another baby and so they called me Helen. I’ve hated the name most of my life until the day somebody told me what it meant. I still don’t like the sound. I still don’t like the name but I really like what it means. Apparently it means light. It comes from Helios in the Greek and for that I’m very glad. I mean I’m glad it’s a root name. If I’m going to have a name like Helen, I’m glad it’s a root name. I mean, in other words, I’m not Helena, I’m not Ellen. I’m not some of the spin-off names from Helen. I’m glad I’m the original name.

You’re not a spin-off.

Well, not in terms of names, but maybe in genetics.

Was there confusion in your family with so many Helens?

I was called Little Helen and my mother was Big Helen.

A female version of junior?

No, I don’t think so, it’s just what my family called me.

Why don’t you like the name Helen?

I always felt Helen was sort of starchy. There’s nothing you can do with Helen. You can’t have it be Heley. You’re really required to create a whole new name for me if you want to be endearing.  Men have always called me something other than Helen. In fact, my middle name is Elizabeth so I ask my close friends to call me Lizzie. Because that is a soft, approachable real name. Helen is so formal and starchy. Now I’ve certainly had men who have liked the name Helen. They think it’s soft and pretty, but I don’t know.

If I could change my name, I would do it.

What name would you choose?

I would probably change my name to something that was neither male nor female. Like Sydney. I like the name Sydney and I think it would have helped as a writer to be neither male nor female.

I’ve always liked the name Sam as a nickname for a woman.

Yes, Sam is a lovely name for a woman. I wouldn’t be Sam as a man. But as a woman it’s charming.

Actually, if I could really choose the name that I wanted, my second choice would be Sydney.  But my first choice would be Alexandra and I would have people call me Alex. I just love the name Alex. Alex is neither male nor female. It was the name of my first boyfriend. Now I’m not pining for my first boyfriend anymore but I’ve just always loved that name.

I read a book about the psychology of sound and there are parts that seem to agree with what you’ve written about. For example, in your book Anatomy of Love, you talk about facial poses and the impact they have on the beings around them. I’ve read that there can be similar reactions by people in the facial poses we use to create sounds. And as such, the sound of our names and the facial poses we use to sound out our names can impact the people around us and, as a result, impact our own lives.

That certainly makes sense. As you move the face in certain ways you move muscles, and as you move muscles, you trigger the nerves, and as you trigger the nerves you change certain brain circuitry.

I mean, it’s well known that when you’re around people who are smiling you sort of naturally mimic them and  smile too and it makes you feel better. That’s at least in part because you are moving your face in certain ways. I never thought about it with names, but I wouldn’t be at all surprised. When you put it that way, it actually makes me like Helen better. Because it has a breathy sound to it.

I think we are all really very interested in our names. I mean, it’s right out there, your name.

The “h” has hushed tones, whereas the “l” is more musical. The psychology of sound impacting a name provides an interesting perspective on names.

It’s a wonderful perspective and one is of course very inclined to look for those parts that appeal to them and it certainly appeals to me. I honestly do think that the way you use your mouth does have an impact.

So you’re interested in names.

I think we are all really very interested in our names. I mean, it’s right out there, your name. And I’d change mine. In fact, I do change mine. I always ask my friends to call me Lizzie. Various men have called me a million things other than Helen. I don’t know if I’ve had a boyfriend who ended up calling me Helen.

I’ve had some people say to me that the topic of names is really shallow. Like, “what do names matter?” I’m curious what your response is to that?

I guess, maybe they’re so shallow they can’t see the intricacies of this.

Oh, I see. It says more about them than it does about their comment on the topic of names?

I don’t know. I just think any window into personality and responses is an interesting window. You are starting out at the window by asking people about their names. Your name is very personal. It’s a very personal thing about you that you do not have the liberty of choosing yourself. And in my case, it has a real family connection and a long history and I don’t like it. I don’t mind the history, but I don’t like the name. I mean, I think people are quite involved with their names. I don’t see why anyone would think that is shallow.

It’s sort of like a Rorschach Test. It’s a way of asking people who they are. It’s a window into getting them to talk about who they are. I don’t know. I find it interesting.

Have you ever talked to people about names?

I always ask someone who’s named Helen what they think of their name. In fact, I asked somebody this week what she thought of her name and she wrote me back. I think she was from England. It was somebody from the press. She wrote me back and she said that she’d had the name for so long that she didn’t  really know what she thought about it. And I thought to myself, I think that’s strange. I mean, you have your face for your whole life and you have some opinion about that. When you called me I thought to myself, this is really interesting. I found it interesting.

I read about a friend describing her male friend out looking for a mate. He sees a beautiful friend, she’s smart, and then he heard her name, and he didn’t like her name.

I can understand that. There are all kinds of names I don’t like. We all have feelings about names the way we have feelings about people. Oddly enough, I really like the name Jane and that’s a pretty common name. I’m not big on the name Sue. It’s just so common. They’re both equally common and I like Jane and not Sue. Who knows why. I think names really often express background. Ethnic background.  Even socioeconomic background. Part of the country you live in. I mean, Brenda Lee is not going to grow up in New Canaan, CT. Tiffany is not going to grow up in Iowa. At least I don’t think you’re going to find a Tiffany in Iowa. Of course, today that might be different. But bottom line, I do think names say something about background. I mean, I went out for years with a man named Ray and he hated his name as much as I hated mine. I never once called him Ray and he never once called me Helen.

I may have called him Ray introducing him to somebody. You know. Instead of all my pet names. I probably had 25 pet names for him and vice versa.

We all have feelings about names the way we have feelings about people.

What do you think of this topic of pet names. That’s a sign of endearment?

It’s a sign of endearment. Sometimes it can be mean. Someone will call someone something that has an edge to it. But yes, I think that pet names are signs of endearment. They make someone special. No one else calls them that. I have one man that I’ve known for several years who calls me Ti [pronounced Tea]. Ti in ancient Sumerian word that meant life. And I love that name. When I write him an email I sign it Ti. And it’s a combination of sweet and endearing but also a private knowledge between us but also an ancient word that means something important to both of us.

Like code language?

Yes. And Ray who I hung around with for 30 years, he called me Fluffy.  It’s hilarious. Fluffy is hilarious. I’m not fluffy, although I can be silly. You know? And the way he would say it was funny too. He would say, “FLUH-fee.” And he would blink his eyes. It was all a play on airheads.

Which is not a mold that you fit!

Right. Which I’m not. And because I don’t, it made it funnier.

It’s like calling a fat man, Tiny.

There you go. That’s exactly right. And sure enough, my twin sister picked up Fluffy and calls me Fluffy in public. I finally had to say to her, “You can’t call me Fluffy in public.” It’s just not going to work. People are going to look at me and they’re going to say, “Fluffy?” It just doesn’t work.

But I didn’t want that one to go around. I mean, I don’t mind talking to you and having you print it because we’re talking about names. And she still calls me Fluffy. She’s called me Fluffy for I don’t know, 20 years. And I call her Spunky. Which is a name she chose for herself. Which she is.

What do you think about people who change their names?

It’s hard on the rest of us. But I understand it why they do it. I have a friend whose name is Bob. In middle age – like in his mid-50s – he changed his name to Bailey. It’s a family name and he has every reason to be called Bailey, but it’s hard not to get over the pretension of someone who changes their name. You’ve got to do it when you’re young before everyone is hooked on the real name. Now, if you make up your own name for somebody, that’s different. That’s a pet name. It’s not a shared name with the universe. But when you change your name and you ask everybody to please call you by a different name, I think it’s hard on the people around you. The first response is, “Oh, that’s silly. You know? Your name’s Bob.” But I do understand why people do it. I do think there’s something legitimate about someone named Bob changing his name to Bailey. Bailey is a much nicer name. Bob is very common.

Well, and going back to the psychology of sound, I’ve studied Bob because I’ve known some Bobs. The sound in the name Bob is very abrasive. The two B’s together like that – very intimidating (Like big bass drum). They’re known for being assertive, and they tend to struggle in very artistic endeavors. They’re known for hot hotheadedness.

That’s interesting! You are describing my brother. And oddly enough I call him Roberto.

Well, see now that “R” brings out the more romantic side: it can be the same traits, but from a more passionate perspective. There’s a lot to the sounds in a name.

We come from a varied background so he’s not Italian or anything. As a child I called him Bobby. And I still call him Bobby or Roberto. He’s in his mid 70s now.

From what I’ve read, every time you add the “ee” to the end of a name, like Bobby, you bring the smile back to the face to enunciate it. It softens the name.

That’s probably why I use Lizzie for my name. I refuse to respond to Liz. The only name is Lizzie. I say to my friends, this is an alternate name. Use it any time you want. Or don’t use it. But when you do use it, you have to use it in an endearing way. It is for me an endearing name. So I’ve had some friends who instantly called me Lizzie and have never called me anything but Lizzie since then. And I have other friends who use it as a gift. One man who when he’s trying to let me know that he’s really liking me at the moment, in an email or something he’ll say,  Dear Lizzie, but then regularly he’ll call me Helen. So I give people the alternative. Here’s another name; use it when you can. It makes me feel better. But never use it if you’re mad at me.

You don’t want it used in vain?

No! This is a “nice” name. Lizzie is a nice name. It’s endearing. It’s soft. It’s a “please like me” name.

What do you think of the concept of people who change their name when they get married, like women who change their name?

I’m very practical about that. I married a man very briefly and then divorced him. I wish I would have kept his name because it was a better name than Fisher.

So you did change your name?

I did and I changed it back. But I got married in the early 1960s. I didn’t think about it. I can’t remember why changed my name to be perfectly honest with you. I really honestly can’t remember. It was a Swedish name and it was beautiful. When I got rid of the man I realized I had to get rid of the name and go back to Fisher. But now, all these years later, I wish I would have kept the name. It’s just a prettier name.

Names are aesthetic. Aesthetic joy. They’re also for the presentation of who you are.

So you’re not necessarily against changing a name when you get married.

If it were me, I’d pick the prettier of the two names and if they went together nicely I would combine. It’s an utterly shallow thing. It’s an aesthetics thing.  Names are aesthetic. Aesthetic joy. They’re also for the presentation of who you are. And also if you’re madly in love with somebody you might want to take his name. What is strange is where you find these households where each child has a different name. That’s a little bit discombobulating. I think there’s something to be said for some continuity.

Now at this point if I were to marry again, I would not change my name, alas, because the name I’ve got is the name I use on my books and it wouldn’t make sense for me to change it. It’s too late. Of course, if I got a name like Rockefeller, I’d probably do it anyway. But that’s not likely to happen. Actually, the name Montgomery is a beautiful name. My mother’s name was Greeff; it’s Dutch. I would have loved to have been Helen Greeff. She was Helen Greeff. Now, it’s a little hard to pronounce. Most people would say grief. But I like the name Greeff. Two es, Two fs. It’s very unusual. And it’s very Dutch. My twin sister has a beautiful name now. Lorna is a beautiful name and it’s an unusual name. She got the good name. But she married a French man and her last name is VanPayris. Lorna VanPayris. I think that’s a beautiful name. And I think that Helen Fisher is very mundane.

You make the most of it though!

Thank you very much. I think of all of it, the middle name, I like the name Elizabeth. I had an aunt named Elizabeth and they gave me that name. My mother’s first name and my mother’s sister’s (great aunt) middle name. My grandmother’s first name was Helen, but they called her Lilly.

Where did they get Lilly?
I don’t know, but I like Lilly. I would prefer to be Lilly than Helen. That Lilly is a very feminine name. I suppose Helen is feminine too.

What do you think of Helen? I mean, what do you think most people think of Helen? Do you think most people dislike it as much as I do?

For me, its reminiscent of a Greek goddess. You know, Helen of Troy.

People always say that to me, Helen of Troy, the most beautiful woman in the world. But I’m not beautiful. And it sort of flips me out when people say that. I think, “Oh my god, I’m not living up to my name here.”

Well, I don’t think of the beauty side of it. But I think of the strength. I mean, I see this statue in my mind when I think of the name Helen. The strength that’s involved with that.

That’s interesting. That’s good, I’m glad to hear you think of it as strength. Certainly she was a femme fatal. I mean, she started a war between the Greeks and the Persians so she’s famous in history. Almost everyone knows about Helen of Troy.

Conclusion

According to the Baby Name Wizard, the name Helen reached it’s peak in popularity for baby names in the early 1900s. In fact, it ranked second on the 200 most popular baby names of the 1900s, falling between Mary and Margaret. However, for being such a popular name, it can leave its bearer with a heavy load because the original name dates back to Greek mythology and was given to someone whose face could launch a thousand ships. Helen of Troy is the woman for whom the infamous Trojan War was fought. But does that leave today’s Helen only known for a legacy of beauty? In fact, Helen of Troy is remembered for her beauty, but she had other characteristics that were important such as her strength in fighting.

Roy Feinson in his book, The Secret Universe of Names, points to how Helens have a “profound sense of destiny, who believe their lives are meant for some specific purpose.” What greater purpose is there than love? Helen Fisher has devoted much of her career to the subject of love. Her research has focused on marriage and divorce, adultery,  monogamy, and gender differences in the brain and behavior. She has written the books listed below as a result of her research. You can learn more about each of her books on Helen’s website.

• “Why Him, Why Her? How to Find and Keep Lasting Love
• Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love
• The First Sex: The Natural Talents of Women and How They are Changing the World
• Anatomy of Love: the Natural History of Mating, Marriage and Why we Stray
• The Sex Contract: The Evolution of Human Behavior

Helen Fisher is also the expert behind the personality survey that matches couples on Chemistry.com. This survey has been featured in 20/20 and Good Morning America. She explains, “I was curious to know what romantic love really was and so I and my colleagues put 32 people who were madly in love into a functional MRI brain scanner to find out.” She describes as a result of her research how very primitive parts of our brains become active when we’re in love. This part of the brain that is involved with euphoria and obsessive thinking is a basic brain system that evolved millions of years ago. The same brain system at play when Homer wrote about Helen of Troy.

It’s almost as if Helen Fisher is out to solve the age-old mystery of love, and who is to say that her name hasn’t been part of that inspiration? Feinson tells how the name Helen describes people with “sharp-minded individualism” who desire to help people overcome difficulties. But he warns that Helens are definitely unpredictable.  And this brings me back to Helen of Troy. Have you seen statues of her? They don’t seem to represent anything strikingly beautiful and from that I’ve come to a conclusion.  It must be the more enigmatic features of Helen of Troy, combined with her physical beauty, that made her so remarkable.  And after speaking with Helen Fisher, I believe it is these same features that make her just as remarkable. Helen Fisher is a charming, entertaining, and highly intelligent person. It was my honor to speak with her about her name and I hope you’ve considered it your honor as well to have spent this time reading about her.

This post is part of a series called, “Real People, Real Names,” a compendium of stories and pictures about people and their names.

Names are basically one or two-word stories. When we see a person’s name, we paint an idea of what to expect before we even meet them. And each person has their own version of a story about their own name. You see, this is what I do. When I meet people, I talk to them about their names. And that’s the purpose of this series of posts. You get to walk into my world a little bit and read about real people and what they think of their names.

If you would like to be considered for this series, use the contact form on this site to reach me.

Today’s Guest: Allison Avery

Today’s post highlights an interview with Allison Avery. Well, actually her name is Marissa Manzino, but you can call her Allie for short. Confused? Don’t worry, I’ll explain more soon.

Before we talk about her name, I want to introduce you to the person. Allie oozes talent, hard work and fun from every cell of her being. She is a singer, guitarist, songwriter, author, blogger, and a social worker. She earned a Master’s in Social Work from the Fordham Graduate School of Social Service, and she’s accomplished all of this crossing hurdles that many could not imagine. You see, Allie is blind. Although she’s very comfortable discussing it, she doesn’t do so for attention or sympathy. It is a part of who she is, but it doesn’t define her.

It does, however, impact why she’s seeking to change her name. Have you gone from confused to curious? Read more about Allie and her name below. I promise, it will be time well spent!

Why did your Parents pick your name?

My given name is Marissa Erin Manzino. My parents were going to name me either Amanda or Candace but then they decided on a name with an “M” sound to go with my last name, Manzino. Marissa means “of the sea” and my Mom thought it was pretty.

Did you like your name as a child?

I didn’t mind my nickname, which was (and still is) Missy. No one in my family really used Marissa that much. When I went to Lavelle School for the Blind and had to use my real name, Marissa, I truly disliked it. The kids in general there were mean to me because I was one of the few kids who were completely blind.

I don’t understand why kids can be so cruel sometimes.

It’s true. I would intentionally get myself into trouble because I hoped it would get me out of that school. What I didn’t know was that my parents had planned all along to send me to the school for the blind only until fourth grade so I could learn Braille and then they planned to integrate me into the public school system. I liked the public school system much better.

Why do you dislike the name, Marissa. I mean, it really is a pretty name.

I agree. It is a pretty name and it’s kind of unique. That’s one of the reasons my mom picked it. She said it was different and she liked that about it. However, it’s mispronounced a lot. A lot of people will say Melissa or Mary or some other name like that. When you’re blind and someone mispronounces your name, you don’t know they’re talking to you.

Besides I was born with a twin and he was named Michael. It’s as if we came as a pair, except we were born early and he didn’t survive. I think there’s  a part of me that feels the weight of that. I need a name that’s all my own.

How did you pick the name Allison?

I wanted to change my name to Allison after one of my favorite characters, Allie Nelson, in Nicholas Sparks The Notebook. Her real name in that book was Allison. Allison means noble, truthful and kind depending on which name site you consult. And it’s easily understood.

I love writing my own music. It’s challenging but it also inspires me.

How has your name impacted your life?

I think that the mispronunciation of the name Marissa has hindered me a lot. I’m constantly correcting people and two seconds later they’re back to the incorrect name. It’ can be very annoying. So I think my new name is going to have a great impact on my life!

Tell me about your music. Do you write your own songs?

Yes. I love writing my own music. It’s challenging but it also inspires me. I also perform regularly so that means learning a fair amount of cover songs too.

What musicians have inspired you in your life?

Definitely Alison Krauss.

Another Allison?

It’s a great coincidence that her name is Alison too. She has such an amazing voice. I was surprised to hear someone describe her performance once as unemotional. I think her music is definitely touching. And also Sarah McLachlan. I listened to her music, which is what inspired me to learn to play the guitar in high school.

I didn’t even know Sarah McLachlan played the guitar.

Most people only know her as a pianist, but she does play the guitar as well. She has a very interesting style. I also really like Joni Mitchell and other ‘60’s kind of rockers.

Do you have a band that backs you up when you perform?

Mostly it’s just me and my guitar. I’m learning to play the banjo too. That’s how I met Carlos, my boyfriend. He lives in Spain and we met at a musician’s retreat. He’s an amazing banjo player.  He’s inspired me to step up my dream of learning Spanish too.

My dad is in a band and we might play together one of these days too.

What’s your favorite song that you’ve written?

That would be the song Emily that I wrote for my good friend Jacqueline. She was going through a difficult time and after we talked I felt inspired to write a song for her, but I decided to use a different name. I wanted to protect her identity and the name Emily just flowed better with the song. What’s really important is that she knows it’s her song.

Have you written any other songs with personal names?

I wrote a song for my grandmother. Her name was Philamana, but she didn’t really like that name much so everyone just called her Mamie. That’s what I named my song for her, Mamie. I was disappointed she didn’t get to hear it because she died right as I was finishing the song. I used to call her the Antique and people would get on to me and tell me I was being disrespectful, but I wasn’t trying to be disrespectful. I was thinking of antiques as these well made, handcrafted beautiful pieces of furniture sort of like a stalwart of the home. That’s what Mamie meant to me.

And you’re also a book author as well, is that right?

I love writing novels and have one published called Just Before Dawn. It’s a murder mystery, which is one of my favorite forms of writing. I’m working on a new book now, but it’s kind of taken a back seat to a couple of other things, like getting my certification as a social worker.

If you could have any name you wanted what would it be?

If I had to choose a name it would be Allison Avery. I’m a musician and I’ve been using only Marissa as my marketing name because my last name, Manzino, is too difficult for most people to spell. Ironically, there are twelve Marissas now on CDbaby. I’d love to use Allison Avery as my stage name and Allison as my legal first name.

Do you think your name has had any impact on your life?

Well, most people comment on how pretty my name is. I think that the mispronunciation has hindered me. Constantly correcting people and two seconds later they’re back to the incorrect name is very annoying.

Do you find the topic of names interesting?

I think names are extremely fascinating. I find people who have legally changed their first names even more fascinating.

What inspires you in your life?

Music, friends, family, my animals, books, movies.

Has the transition to Allison been difficult for you?

I began slowly transitioning to Allison at work, and most of my colleagues call me Allison or Allie. Some of my friends have started using Allison as well.

I’m waiting to pass my social worker’s certification exam to actually legally change my name. That should be done soon but I’ve had some people tell me that even if I legally change my name to Allison, they won’t use the new name.

Isn’t that so interesting? Can you imagine if you changed your last name because you got married and someone refusing to call you by your new last name? No one does that because it’s socially acceptable to change your last name for marriage.

Yes! I learned a lot about this by coming to your site. It really helped me a lot to learn there were other people who had changed their first names too.

What’s some of your favorite music you’re listening to today?

I really like the music of the group Crooked Still. They’ve got a great folksy blue grass sound that I love.

My most sincere thanks to Allie for taking time to talk with me. We could have talked more,  but this accomplished musician was headed off to guitar lessons. That’s the thing about Allie, she’s always striving to learn more and eke every bit that life has to offer.  She’s a very inspiring soul and I encourage you all to check out her site to listen to her music, read excerpts of her book, and connect with her on her blog. You’ll be glad you did!