Hope that helps!

The idea of changing my first name is scary to me. I’m afraid of hurting my mom’s feelings – and I am 41 years old! I’m 5 years into my job – and I feel really nervous when I imagine having to explain this change to everyone. I hate to admit these fears, but they are real – and they are in my way.

I really wish I would have changed my name earlier in life, or at least before I moved to the place I live in now. I have talked to other people about changing my name, and they simply say, “Why don’t you just do it?” Or, “What would it be?” Or, “That would be weird. You’re Cathy!” That seems to end the conversation, and in turn, I have always ended the conversation in my mind, deciding that I can “live with it.” Since my real name was never clear to me; I had no idea what I would change my name to, I just dropped the possibility. Hence, I have spent many years with the conscious intention to embrace my “Cathy.”

It’s not working.

Last night I went out to dinner with a friend and the topic came up for the first time. She was so supportive. For the first time, I am beginning to seriously consider making this change. After dinner with my friend, later that night, I woke up at 4am and felt like I had an epiphany. My mother’s middle name is Rae. I think this might be my real name. It’s a name that I absolutely love – and I love that it provides a connection to my mom (if I decide to adopt it). It’s minimal, beautiful, unique, and strong: qualities that I admire and resonate with.

I’m not sure if other people have had a similar journey with a first name change, but I can’t seem to find any relevant stories/examples online…I’ll keep searching. At some point though, I will need to turn off the computer and look inside. Many people face bigger changed than this and survive, and I know they are happier to feel the balance on their inner and outer worlds.