In high school French class we were given a French name and our teacher called us by that name from that point forward. My name was Pascale. I loved it! And actually, it worked for me because the name, Pascale, means born on (or around) easter and my birthday is in the spring.

That year of high school French class was soon over and the name Pascale was never used in reference to me again. I never forgot it though, and it still bares for me a little gleam of interest. Pascale is like a dream name – not one I would ever use for myself but someday when I write that novel, I would definitely want a heroine named Pascale!

Do you have a dream name? Maybe you heard someone with this name or you came up with it on your own. It’s a name that sometimes  you think you might like for yourself. Maybe it’s one you would give to your child (or already have). Tell me about your dream name and why you like it.

There were rumors the band selected the name Alice Cooper after consulting a ouija board that suggested the lead singer was a reincarnated witch. It was only revealed in later years that the band came up with the name because they liked the idea of creating an image of, as Cooper said, “a cute and sweet little girl with a hatchet behind her back.”

The lead singer’s name at the time was still Vincent Furnier, but fans saw him differently. He notes that a lot of people assumed his name was Alice Cooper and would refer to him as such. The band wanted to play up the role of their controversial origins and felt that they could do more to develop the lead singer’s persona. Commenting on the Barbarella-inspired look, Cooper said, “When I saw Anita Pallenberg playing the Great Tyrant in that movie in 1968, wearing long black leather gloves with switchblades coming out of them, I thought, ‘That’s what Alice should look like.’”

The problem was that the band had already copyrighted the name Alice Cooper and as a result, Cooper is reported to pay yearly royalties to the original band members in order to use it commercially.

It must be worth it because Alice Cooper (the person) has been noted to say that changing his name was one of his most brilliant career moves. Another testament to the value of having the right name for the person.

At least 70% of women she talked to had been victims of rape, childhood sexual assault and/or domestic violence. Angela Shelton had herself suffered molestation and it is apparent that her journey to find other Angela Sheltons and learning that many of them had endured similar abuses was one of healing. Angela says that her journey taught her “about the power of the human spirit, no matter what your name is.”

However, I believe there is power behind the name. In The Secret Universe of Names author Roy Feinson credits people with the name Angela as having  personalities that can be linked to those of angels, “mysterious and ethereal, but also slightly dangerous.” I imagine it was this dangerous side of Angela Shelton that sought to find resolution to her past in the manner that she did. In fact, for most of her life Angela kept quiet about the abuse she suffered as a child. This book and movie (she filmed her nation-wide trek) provided her the opportunity to break that silence. During the years of silence she handled the pain with self-abuse and addictions. The book shares how she got “off the trauma train and onto the Joy Jet!”

Her connection with these women who shared her name was life transforming. She states on her site, “I am so proud to be an Angela Shelton.”

“Know yourself and you will know the Universe”
—Excerpt of an inscription at the Greek Temple of Delphi

Larry Ackerman, leading authority on organizational and personal identity, in his guest post on this site recommended that knowing yourself is a key component to personal identity. Do you ever wonder how you could live life 20, 30, 40 or 50+ years and not know yourself? The truth is, the “self” is easily hidden in us all.

Don Miguel de Ruiz, in his book The Four Agreements, talks about the human domestication process that is reinforced throughout our childhood; part of becoming socialized into our parents’ culture. We’ve all gone through this in different ways. Boys are not supposed to cry. Girls are supposed to be obedient. Different generations have different socialization aspects, but it’s there for each of us. As a result, over the years the true self becomes buried under layers and layers of expectations from others.

There’s no doubt that over time it becomes more and more difficult to know our true selves and more and more difficult to break the bonds of others’ expectations of us.

So what are some steps you can take to know yourself better? Here’s where we’re lucky because we have many options. One idea is to work with a life coach.  I did this. I worked with life coach and author Victoria Moran a few years ago and found this to be a remarkably great step for me. Life coaches are people too so making sure you get one that works well for you is important.

The DIY (do-it-yourself) method of getting to know yourself is another approach. There are a lot of books out there that can help you. I highly recommend Julia Cameron’s The Vein of Gold. This book provides a lot of insight and exercises to help a person better understand themselves.  There’s also Cheryl Richardson’s, The Art of Extreme Self-Care or Wendy Craig-Purcell’s Ask Yourself This. This book includes some very important self-discovery questions such as:

• What do I say “yes” to in my life?
• What am I looking for?
• Who am I trying to please?

I heard someone say at a conference recently that you should be yourself because everyone else is taken. The time and effort spent getting to know you is most definitely time well spent.

Today’s post is by Larry Ackerman, a leading authority on organizational and personal identity. He is the founder and president of The Identity Circle LLC, an identity consulting, education and research firm that helps organizations and individuals clarify their uniqueness and potential, and then assists them in putting that potential to work in ways that dramatically improve their performance, impact and reputations. Larry has published two ground-breaking books on identity. In his first book, Identity Is Destiny: Leadership and the Roots of Value Creation, Larry set forth a revolutionary view of the nature of identity and its impact on leadership and management. In his second book, The Identity Code: The 8 Essential Questions for Finding Your Purpose and Place in the World, Larry asserts that we “cannot be anything we want to be;” but rather, that long term fulfillment comes when we live by the ‘identity code’ that defines our unique value-creating potential.

I Am Not My Name

I’ve spent my career helping companies and, most recently, individuals as well, deal with identity issues, usually in the name of building authentic brands and lives. It’s fun. It’s gratifying. It’s what I do: I am driven to help people to see. That’s my identity. It is my gift.

I’ve never really considered how my name and my identity align. Until now. (Thanks, Marly!) I was named Laurence (with a ‘u’) by my parents, which immediately became Larry. Few people ever called me Laurence except when they were trying to get my attention, as in “Laurence, get over here!” I must admit, as I think about it now, I am conflicted. In truth, I’ve never really regarded myself as a Larry; more like a James or an Evan. Not sure why, except that I feel that Larry is a bit too casual for my personality: serious, insightful, driven, passionate.

When I think about Laurence, I think about Laurence Olivier. I recall ‘Aurence in Laurence of Arabia, which is how the name was pronounced in the movie, starring Peter O’Toole.  Both very elegant, accomplished men. Not bad as name role models, but not me.

As for my name, I am happy to live with the nagging conflict it poses: Laurence, a bit too stuffy; Larry, a bit too casual. I am not compelled to change it. Why? Because, I am not my name; I am me – a unique human being whose identity is larger than the label my name may suggest. I am at peace with that.

In the name of happiness, let me suggest that before you change your name, get to know who you really are and what you’re really good at. The process can be elusive, but it’s worth it. It will allow you to build a more powerful, more meaningful life. If, after you’ve done that you still feel the tug for a new name, go for it. At least, you’ll have the foundation you need for picking the right one.

Women’s names are another story. In 1958 baby girls were given names like Debbie and Barbara. These were names on the top 20 list in 1958, but they didn’t last long. By the mid-1960’s Debbie and Barbara had fallen down to the bottom of the top 20 list and were finally bumped off  by Michelle and Tammy. Very few people today (if any) name their daughters Debbie or Barbara. The result? Women with names like Debbie or Barbara (or Michelle and Tammy…they didn’t stay on the top 20 for very long either) are dated.

In fact, comparing the top 20 names given in 1958 to 2008, shows 8 names for boys that are the same on both lists: Michael, David, James, John, William, Joseph, and Daniel. Comparing these two lists for girls shows a different story: there isn’t even one name in 1958 that also appears in 2008.

But the male naming mileu is changing. First of all, there are more androgynous names – Devyn, Jayden, Jamie, and Dakota are a few examples. And there is more variety in the types of names given boys today. Sure, Michael is still number two  on the top twenty, but the overall variety of names given to boys is changing.

What do you think? Do you like this trend toward more creative names for boys?

I just read that the UK press bestowed upon Madonna a nickname that she wasn’t particularly fond of; they called her Madge. And  I guess she was glad to leave the UK because she was sick of the nickname. There were some who defended its use because they claimed it was short for “Majesty” which made it, therefore, a flattering nickname. That’s beside the point. Madge was not a name that Madonna wanted to be called and she was, basically, powerless to stop it.

It’s interesting that people can take it upon themselves to call someone else whatever they want. Madonna – Madge. Elizabeth – Beth. James – Jim. David – Dave. Victoria – Vicky. Maybe there are plenty of people out there who don’t care about nicknames, but there are also an awful lot that do. You may be asking, does it really matter? It’s just a name!

This reminds me of my graduate school marketing professor who tried to say that people don’t really have a preference between Coke or Pepsi. Are you kidding me? I would walk across campus to find a Pepsi machine (the university had a contract with Coke). Maybe there are a few who don’t care, but I would wager that most people do.

Names matter. And I think people should be allowed to choose how they will be called – whether it’s their name or a nickname – and that others should respect that. Tell me what you think. Do you think it’s ok to call someone by a nickname without their permission? Do you have any annoying nickname stories?

According to my name survey, 59% of respondents indicate that they have gone by a nickname at some point in their life. One respondent, Michelle, described how many people refer to her as “Chelle,” and although many people call her this and she doesn’t necessarily mind, she never refers to herself as Chelle. It’s as if nicknames have become such a way of life that if your name is Deborah, people will call you Deb whether you like it or not. I know one friend who named her daughter Kate instead of Katherine because she figured everyone would call her by the nickname anyway.

One of my favorite podcasts, Point of Inquiry, is moderated by D.J. Grothe. I listened to an episode recently where the guest announced D.J.’s full name. D.J. didn’t sound too excited about the fact that his real name had just been revealed. The thing is some people become attached to their nicknames. I know my dad hated his first name and only went by C.J. or Mac. In fact, he would rather go by “baldy” than his real name.

Nicknames are frequently a diminutive of the original name. Like referring to Katherine as Katy or William as Billy. In the early 1300’s the word “ekename” has been found and its meaning is literally “additional name.” It was assumed that the statement “an ekename” eventually evolved to “a nekename.” Nicknames have been attributed to various early cultures, even the Vikings.

Nicknames are so pervasive today that even presidential candidates have used them when running for office – for example, Jimmy Carter and Bill Clinton. Other famous people have become known entirely by their nicknames – Babe Ruth, Bono, and Tiger Woods, to name a few.

Have you ever gone by a nickname? If so, what has it meant to you – did you like it or hate it? Do you still use it or have you moved on?

* Name changed to protect the person’s identity

• Cholera Peace (born in 1830)
• Loser Louis
• Tuna N. Fish
• Sugar Cane
• Ima Nutt
• Angel Gabriel
• Warren Peace
• Jack Lantern

I’ve read other books about people with interesting names. In the book, “Freakonomics,” Steven Levitt describes people with names like Temptress, Amcher (named after the Albany Medical Center Hospital ER), and Loser Lane. And I have personally met some people with interesting names such as, Chuck Wood and Gil Trout.

There have been studies suggesting predictive powers of bad names; that people with “bad” names have a higher propensity to end up with “bad” lives. To me, that’s like saying people who take the elevator instead of walking the stairs have a higher propensity of being fat; there’s much more to it than that. And as Levitt surmises, “an overwhelming number of parents use a name to signal their own expectations of how successful their children will be.” As I’ve said before, the name says more about the parent than it does the child.

So, with that said, there really aren’t any “bad” names; just different. Do you know anyone with interesting names?  If so, I’d love to hear about them!

If you doubt the impact that changing a name can have on a life, consider Barack Obama. Yes, it’s true that his given name at birth was Barack. So how, you may ask, did he change his name?

When he was a child everyone referred to him as Barry, the same derivative of Barack that his father chose. The story goes that his father chose a nickname just as a lot of people from other countries do when trying to fit into this culture. It seemed only natural then, that Barack who was given the same name as his father, would use the same nickname.

It appears that Barack took comfort in the name Barry. A black boy growing up in Hawaii with a white mother and grandparents would want to fit in somehow. A Newsweek article on Barack’s name shows that when questioned about the nickname, he described, how “he didn’t want to have to explain his name. ‘Barry’ was just a way of simplifying things—a small compromise to smooth the way in society.”

He continued to go by Barry until his early twenties. In college his struggle transformed from trying to fit in to trying to find himself. Friends encouraged him to claim his heritage and go by Barack. I can imagine how that must have resonated with him.  How better to stake a claim for new territory than putting up a flag that labels who owns the property. A name is like the flag testifying who lives here; who owns this life!

You may still think that changing a name from a nickname to a birthname is not technically a name change. But I would argue that it requires the same steps. It requires courage to ask people to call you something different. It’s why there can be comfort in being around new people where you can call yourself what you want. It’s when you’re around people who have known you for years that it’s difficult. People don’t like change. They don’t like it for themselves and they don’t like it for those they love.

Asking people begin to call him Barack wasn’t always easy. Some members of his family insisted on calling him Barry. Through the years he must have won this battle. I think he is a better person for figuring out who he is and how he would be named. Larry Ackerman describes one problem with politics: the expectation to try to be someone you’re not. Maybe having gone through this this process of figuring out who he really is can help him be an authentic leader. I also think the name Barack suits him much better. We all would be better served for this opportunity. To be self reflective. To consider our identity. To choose how we will be named.

I called her Rachel. We received hand-stitched towels and blankets with the name “Rachel” in soft pink hues. I loved the sound of it then, and still do.

When she was little I would sing softly to her as she would fall asleep, “I love you Rachel, oh yes I do. I love you Rachel, to you I’m true. When I’m away from you, I’m blue. Oh, Rachel, I love you.” This love affair between me, my daughter and her name continued until she was about 8. And then one day, things changed. Another Rachel in her same school. Believe it or not, up until this point she wasn’t really aware of many other girls with the name Rachel. In that regard, she felt rather unique. But no more. At an age where she was beginning her search for individuality, her name made her feel too common. Rachel was too passe.

Around this time she became Adee. A derivative of her middle name, Adele. A middle name we both share. Not aDEE, but AHdee. Rhymes with daddy.

It didn’t spill off my tongue right away. It felt a little awkward at first. Some of her friends refused to call her Adee. Some adults still won’t call her that. Her life was a precious gift to me. And I named that life Rachel. But her life is her own. How better to claim it for herself than by choosing her own name? Her own life’s label.

She calls herself Adee. My gift to her is to recognize her life. Her choice. I call her Adee.

Well, the truth is, there are a lot more name changes going on than you realize. I think it’s a bit like buying a new Mini-Cooper and feeling so unique until you start passing one after another out on the road. Name changes are like this. I thought I was so strange when I decided to change my first name. I thought I would be the laughing stock of my friends, family, community, work, etc. It took a lot of courage for me to take the leap, but once I did, I was surprised to learn about so many other people who had changed their names. People I never suspected!

Name changes are woven throughout the fabric of our nation as well. For example, getting a name right is crucial—even for fictional characters. Margaret Mitchell in writing the book, Gone with the Wind originally named the heroine Pansy. At the editor’s request, the author spent months going through names for the feisty main character—everything from Nancy, Peggy, and even Margaret, before finally settling on Scarlett. Getting Scarlett’s name right was an important first step for one of the most successful novels in history.

The thing is, you may not realize how prevalent name changes really are, because you may not realize how many people have changed their name. The table at left demonstrates the pervasive nature of name changes in our culture. In the course of my research, I’ve talked with people around the country about their names and also conducted an online survey. One respondent indicated that she never liked her name, but she didn’t feel comfortable changing it. So she chose instead to give her daughter a name she would have liked for herself. Maybe parents are searching for something more than a unique name for their baby; maybe they’re looking for something unique within themselves as well.

I was in the check-out line at Macy’s recently when three nearby women (all of a similar age) noticed they had the same name, Rosemary. They talked about nicknames, spelling, and their frustrations about the name. I was left thinking about the name Rose. It reminded me of the words of Shakespeare. “What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.” The name Rose hit a peak in popularity in 1960 and has plummeted since then, leaving women with that name anchored to a certain age and image.

Why couldn’t a rose change her name? It worked for Eileen Edwards who changed her name to Shania Twain. It worked for Leslie Lynch King, Jr., who as a young adult changed his name to Gerald Ford (yes, the US. President).

What’s in a name? Apparently a lot.

Think about it. If you received a bad haircut, you wouldn’t continue going to the same hairdresser and asking for the same cut. If you had a pair of shoes that caused your feet pain every time, you wouldn’t (or shouldn’t) continue to wear them. Maybe you might try to work out the rough spots, but if the pain persisted, you would put them in the goodwill sack and say good riddance! Yes, returning a gift you don’t like can cause some turmoil, but avoiding turmoil is not a good way to live life either.

People give us gifts all the time and we’re good at figuring exit strategies from the ones we don’t like.  You were given a gift when you were born – your name. Do you like it? If so, great!  Enjoy it, revel in it, appreciate it. However, if you’re one of the many people I talk to who hate their names, then you should consider changing it.

Your name is a big part of who you are, and living under a moniker that you hate or that doesn’t suit you, well, it’s like wearing a pink bunny outfit that your aunt made for you. It certainly makes your mom and your aunt happy.