Namely Marly

Joaquin Phoenix has lived a fascinating life journey so far and his name seems to have been on a parallel path. The third of five children, he was originally named Joaquin Rafael Bottom. He comes from a family of unconventional, nearly exotic names including siblings River, Liberty, Rain, and Summer. Joaquin’s parents met in the late 1960′s, joined a religious cult and as a result moved to South America. Less than a decade later they decided they’d had enough of the cult, moved back to the US, and changed their family’s last name to Phoenix. The name represented to them rebirth and it was a time for great change in the family. Not only were they starting a new life with a new last name, but they also became vegan at this time and the family’s mother, Arlyn, changed her name to Heart. And Joaquin was ripe for some change of his own.

It was in this period that Joaquin (pronounced wah-keen) became dissatisfied with his own name. He began referring to himself as Leaf mostly because he wanted a name in a similar vein to his siblings but also because he was frustrated and embarrassed by his name which was not so well-known in the US. He said this about the change, “I was born in Puerto Rico and Joaquin is a Spanish name. And when I came to the US, nobody could pronounce it. They would say, ‘What’s your name?’ And I would say, ‘Joaquin’ and they would go, ‘Walk-ing? Walk – what?’ And you know how kids always get bothered with that kind of thing. Like, ‘No! My name is…’ So it bothered me and so I changed it.” In fact, Leaf River is the name he is credited with for his first acting parts from his childhood.

However, during his teen years he decided to resume using the name Joaquin. He has twice been nominated for an Academy Award and is the recipient of both a Golden Globe and a Grammy Award. His brother is the well-known late actor River Phoenix. Joaquin dated and was even engaged for awhile to actress Liv Tyler. (What a fascinating couple they would have made with both of them having changed their names!)

Early in his career he is quoted as saying, “That kind of fame; I couldn’t have it in my life. I love that we can sit on the lawn in Central Park and I’m just one of the millions. I don’t want to lose that. I just want to be right in the middle.” His fame has probably taken him beyond anything he expected and his name journey from Bottom, Joaquin, Phoenix, and Leaf has been along for the marvelous ride.

I confess that Shakespeare should be right: a rose by any other name should smell as sweet. If that’s the case, then names really don’t matter. But that’s a little like saying appearances don’t matter. We know that should be true. You shouldn’t judge a book by its cover. We should be more about content; form shouldn’t rule over function and all that. In the end, though, we’re all only human. And in the real world of humans, billions of dollars are spent each year on “form” – everything from logos, brands, product colors, and yes, even names.

I read an article about names recently published by Lucy Hunt that described how people with certain names should consider a change. The self-described name-sensitive writer admitted that as humans, “we’re a shallow bunch.” She describes her friend meeting a gorgeous woman but heading for the hills when he learned her name was Fanny. And she described how she met Mr. Charming only to guffaw at the sound of his name, Rufus.

Plenty of famous people have changed their names. I’ve described some of these in previous posts: Whoopi Goldberg, Sigourney Weaver, Elvis Costello, Angela Shelton, and Liv Tyler to name a few. Most of these name changes have resulted in the individuals living the life of their dreams; we could even go so far as to say a more authentic life. And I won’t suggest that changing their name resulted in these amazing accomplishments, but the fact that they braved social norms and expectations and had the kind of determined will which included changing their names, surely set them on the right path.

Do we have to let name changing be something only the rich and famous do for themselves or do we want to claim that right for each of us? You know what my vote would be on that. So, what are the top 5 reasons you should consider changing your name?

1. You Don’t Like Your Current Name. This is the part where someone like Fanny could step forward. But you never know, maybe she likes her name. That’s the kind of thing that makes this one tricky. You could have some odd name and really hate it…or you might just happen to really like it. There is no right or wrong answer here. It’s whatever you can make work for you. If you like your name, keep it. If you’ve always hated it, now is the time to consider a change.
2. You Hate the Way Your Name is Spelled. You may like your name and just want to spell it differently. (Any Amy to Amee’s here?) I’ve read that in some countries monks will actually prescribe for people to change the spelling of their name to change the energy of their life. There are lots of options here: Karen could become Karyn or Janet could become Janette. Could a new spelling be in the works for you?
3. You Need a New Direction. Maybe you’ve been through a recent divorce or some other life-altering change and you want to mark a new direction for your life by changing your name. A friend’s cousin changed her name in recognition of her mother’s death. There could be a number of scenarios here to describe, but it all amounts to the same thing. Similar to the altered spelling above, you need to change the energy of your life and one way of doing that is by christening your life with a new name. There are countless examples of people doing this over the years. A real-world example today would be when President Obama went from his childhood nickname Barry to his given name Barrack. Changing a name can have an impact on your life beyond just yourself. It changes the way others perceive you as well.
4. Getting Married. One of the most obvious reasons for changing a name comes when two people marry. There is frequently a desire to share a common name, whether this be the husband taking the wife’s name (this is an increasing trend), or the couple creating some new or hyphenated name that they share together. Of course there is the more traditional arrangement of the wife taking the husband’s surname. And finally, with more and more states opting for same sex unions, these couples are also considering name changes that reflect the union of their lives together.
5. Objectionable Pronunciations. I once counseled a woman whose boyfriend wanted to change his last name. I won’t give his actual last name but his name was something to the effect of Harry Fuchs. We all know that last name should be pronounced fukes, but we all probably know that a name like that could be frequently mispronounced (either by mistake or intentionally). I think we can understand why a person with this name would want to consider a change. There are plenty of people who have had to explain their name for years who may find themselves wishing for a change.

One of the reasons you should not consider changing your name is to be deceitful or hide from a checkered past. I also recommend that a lot of thought should go into changing your name. Names are important and you don’t want to change your name each time the wind shifts directions. You want to use your name as part of your thoughtful, authentic life journey. The name given to you at birth reflects what your parents wanted for you. It sounds a little self-indulgent to pick your own name. But maybe after years of doing what everyone else wants for you and for your life, it might be time for a little indulgence. The rose will still be there and will still smell as sweet, but now it will have the right name.

People who change their names do so for different reasons. And I’m not talking about the “changing your name when you get married” kind of name change. I’m talking about people who choose to change their name; separate from any event in their life. Some people choose to change their name because they need a new direction in life; others because they’re trying to reconnect with something from their past. Liv Tyler is an example of this.

Liv Tyler’s mother, Bebe Buell, was a well-known model and singer. She, like most mothers, told Liv the story of how she selected her daughter’s name. The name Liv was came from the Norwegian actress Liv Ullmann. I would have to agree that Liv is a great name, and I’m surprised to learn that it hasn’t caught on. According to the BabyName Wizard, the name Liv doesn’t show up on its name tracker charts.

Liv’s first name is interesting, but what is most noteworthy is her last name. At the time of her birth, Liv’s last name was Rundgren because her mother said that her biological father was rock star Todd Rundgren. It was only when she was about nine years old that she learned of her true biological father, rock star Steven Tyler (frontman for the band Aerosmith). Liv is noted to have talked to her mom about the similarity she shared with Tyler’s other daughter Mia and that as a result the truth about Liv’s biological father was revealed.

The secret remained within this small circle until some 5 years later when Liv changed her last name to Tyler, keeping Rundgren as her middle name. It was soon after this that Liv’s career in  acting took off. Critics have described Liv Tyler’s acting as “charmingly ingenuous.” I also think it’s interesting that Tyler is not truly Steven’s last name. His last name at birth was Tallarico.

I can’t speak to the significance of Liv’s career taking off soon after taking on her new last name, but I can make some assumptions based on other people I’ve seen. There is something about claiming a name for yourself. Living your life with name given to you by others is fine when that’s working for you, but if it’s not then changing your name can be like staking a claim for the life you want for yourself.